I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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