i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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