i already hear my dad disowning me
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
