Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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