I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I have fence marks all over my body
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
