i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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