If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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