I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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