I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
