Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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