You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize