i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
