We won't sleep together?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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