I wish my penis had an off switch
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
