Everything about him screamed your future.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize