So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
