I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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