ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
