Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
