Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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