is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
