it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
