my vag is so smooth its legendary
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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