Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Slut skills are useful in every country.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize