Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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