It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
