you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
