Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
