I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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