I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
