drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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