Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
