just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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