There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
