those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
