Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
