You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
