Do you still have your period?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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