just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
