just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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