Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
