did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
