She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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