I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
This toilet bowl is my home.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
