her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
