what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
