All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
