pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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