I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
