She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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