Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
