My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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