remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
