i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Hippo gnu deer
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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