My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
