He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
