can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Two words: blizzard sex
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
