I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
