So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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