i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
