if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
