I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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