does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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