There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
