how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
